Fun With Headlines - Episode 1
THE TRAGEDY!
On Monday, August 14th, a truck fire in New England claimed the lives of sixty puppies. The AP story was picked up by hundreds of local news affiliates, each with a unique one-line interpretation of the horrible accident's soul devouring essence.
RELEVANCE TO YOUR LIFE!
None.
TOP FIVE HEADLINES!
[as of 08/15, as presented by Google News's response to the query "dead puppies)
5) Hunte Truck Burns; 60 Pups Die
Neosho Daily News, MO.
The cigar chomping editor of the Neosho Daily News doesn't want to get morbid. "For the love of God, shorten it to 'pups'. We don't want to get phone calls."
4) 60 puppies from southwest Missouri die in trailer fire
News-Leader.com, MO.
Let's be clear. These sixty puppies were from Missouri. The News-Leader really wants you to remember that these were hometown pups. And I'll bet they missed their hometown.
[Note: Research reveals that Missouri is one of the better states for breeder oversight and the like. Still, I stand by my snark.]
3) 60 puppies headed to pet stores die in tractor-trailer fire
Minneapolis Star Tribune, MN.
Well... when you put it like that, it sounds like the puppies got the better end of the deal.
2) Fire in truck kills 60 puppies
WREG, TN.
I thought that perhaps this was the least flowery of the descriptions of puppy death, and then I read...
1) Pets Killed
KSNF, MO.
I admire the effort, but... if you want to get technical about it... they weren't really anyones "pets" yet. Sure, they were "on their way to... loving New England families." But they didn't quite make it. It really should read "Lonely And As-Of-Yet-Unloved Bundles Of Cute Burned Alive". Still, A+ for pulling no punches.
Really, it is crazy how many local news outlets thought this was worth their readers'/viewers' time. Because nothing else happened on Monday.
Comments
Good, hell, it's hilarious. I think 'Fun With Headlines' should become a regular feature.
It made me think of this billboard we saw when we went to Lancaster the other week.
Apparently the good Christian folk in places like central PA and Missouri don't have a problem with breeding dogs and then sticking them on a truck, for chrissakes, and shipping them half way across the country.It's a Big Bowl of Wrong......